A Mi Manera

I will not ask of you ...

Well, I haven't been updating me blog for sometime now...and reason being that I wasn't inspired enough to throw a piece of my thought here... but recently I came across a blog entry and it kinda moved me...and so I decided to 'borrow' some of the contents... and here it is... *beechoo takes out a roll of tissue paper*... ;-P

I won't ask that you will call... But I will pray that I will be able to hold my urge of wanting to calling you....

I won't ask that you willl want to see me again... But I will pray that I will not be looking out for you, hoping to see you....

I won't ask that you will think of me...but I will pray that I won't be thinking of you all the time and wondering how you are....

I won't ask that you will email me... But I will pray that I won't be hoping to see your name popping in my inbox....

I won't ask that you will want to watch the next latest movie with me....But I will pray that when I am watching the next new movie in the cinema, I won't be hoping that it is you sitting beside me....

I won't be asking that you would want to be with me....But I will pray that I will be able to hold on to my feelings of wanting to tell you how much I love you and want to be with you....

I won't ask that you will be crying for me.... But I will pray that whenever I cry, I would be hoping that you would not be the reason for my tears....

I won't ask that I would be important in your life... But I will pray that I would be able to NOT make you so important in my life....

I won't ask that you would be there some day....But I would pray that I will stop waiting for you, which seems so difficult to do...

I won't ask that you would want to know about whats going on with me....But I will pray that I will be able to stop wanting to know about you...

I won't ask that you would want to tell me your inner thoughts, feelings, and the be the first one you would look for... But I will pray that the next time, I sit beside a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on, I won't be hoping that it is you sitting beside me....

I won't ask that you would tell me about your recent departure.... But I will pray that I my heart will allow you to go and also pray that you'll be kept safe thoughout the time while you are away...

I won't ask that you would want to see me again or just before you go... But I will pray that...my heart will be able to let you go where you need to be, without wanting to see you before you leave...

~Author Unknown~

10 Things I Hate About You...

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb floppy slippers
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.

There's Always HOPE..

She is finally happy... It doesn't matter if it was 5 years younger or 5 years older...She is happy...There is someone that she would look forward to at the end of her day... She is happy...There is someone who will be there listening to how good or bad her day was... There would be someone for her to pour out her inner thoughts and feelings about the things that matters to her most... She is happy...After all that she has gone through, everytime she tells her how much it hurts... She would tell her --Not to give up, there will always be hope...When she was hurt again and again... the last time she had told her that she has lost all hope on relationships and marriages, her faith seems to be shattered....and yet she told her...that there's hope... and as she tells her that, she says a silent prayer in her heart that she will not give up yet... She was never forgotten or left behind by His Highness... He never fail to show her how much He loves her...show her how she could still love... and today, she has a beautiful "relationship" that never fails to make her heart flips a somersault, her eyes glows and her smile would be drawn over her face whenever she tells her all about the recent happenings... There will always be hope.

She in turn, has found the friend she was looking for... she finally saw the friend that was there all these time, looking over her, always there for her, no matter what... even when she was at the lowest moment in her life so far.. He had made her a promise -- that He would always be there, He would never leave her nor forget her...and that He would always love her no matter what, no matter what... She now knows she can put her trust in Him... Everyday, she would run to Him, just to hear what He has to say to her for the day... He would know just the correct thing to say to her, as He knows her feelings and her thoughts.. He understands her fully... Even before she could say anything, He knows how she felt and what she needed to hear from Him... and she hangs on to His love and promises to her...She has found the missing part... They are both happy.

I pray you’ll be our eyes,

and watch us where we go

And help us to be wise,

in times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer,

when we lose our way

Lead us to a place,

guide us with your grace

To a place where we’ll be safe. Amen!

I Wish You...

...** HUGE SIGH**... Finally... 

The day I was born I knew a lot of things
But now that I'm grown
I'm just remembering
Where I have been.
Might've we met before
Suddenly something has led you back
To my door
Looking to settle the score
But no more...

Deceive me, hurt and mislead me
All that I wish you is love
Abuse me, damage and use me
All that I wish you is love

Believe me it's hard to turn the other cheek
Faithful and kind
Might be confused for weak
An innocent streak
I'm learning a lot from you
Making me stronger each time you think
I've been beat
Whatever you scatter you reap
But down deep

Defeat me, shame and mistreat me
All that I wish you is love
Despise me, lie criticize me
All that I wish you is love

I may not forget, but I forgive you
If it happens again
The way that I grew, I owe it to you
I have you to thank

Deceive me, hurt and mislead me
All that I wish you is love
Abuse me, damage and use me
All that I wish you is love

Defeat me, shame and mistreat me
All that I wish you is love
Despise me, lie criticize me
All that I wish you is love
All that I wish you is love

Remembering Alexander...Inspired by Alex.. For elx.. =)

It was on a Sunday morning... I was having  early lunch at the restaurant in Copthorne Hotel; it was the venue for our team building... and the trainer said to be back at the training room at exactly 12 noon,or marks will be deducted from our group.. ""o.O .. feels like back in school huh...

Suddenly, my bag moved a little, I felt my phone vibrate...It was an SMS, which I never was looking forward to... My heart sank when I looked at the screen on my phone, revealing the content of the little yellow envelope which was blinking earlier...The last line read-- "Alex is in coma" ... my eyes felt warm as tears welled up in them... Trying to act as normal... I put the phone away and try to concentrate on the rest of the activities that was waiting ahead....

At the back of my mind.. all these thoughts were racing across me, I could almost see flash backs --I just spoke to him few days before; he said that all was fine... I kept myself busy the few days after the news came... But now, I couldn't help myself worrying... wondering how  he is... and being soo far away.. I wish I could just go and see him!, just like that... But then he preferred it this way... =(  ..I was mad at him for a while, when he said -- no visits, no phone calls... =( ..

For some unknown reason,to me at least, Alex just don't like his picture taken... I remember, when he was back from Italy, during the Chinese New Year last year, someone got Mark, his best friend to go on a mission to try and take his picture... hahaha... It was soo funny... When Mark related the details of his mission to us.. but luckly... mission was accomplished...

Mark's mission: Sneak into Alex's room while he was asleep, as he was very, extremely sensitive to any gadget that could snap pictures,so Mark thought that the best is when the "giant" is asleep.. hehehe...      

Here is the result... =)                                  

On 4/11/06, Marcus Barkley <marcus.barkley@gmail.com> wrote:

here's the pix of sleeping beauty b4 he woke up n threw me arse out of his room! hahahaha! not clear tho cus i din dare to go near! was taken in his room behind his couch! hahaha.. almost got me killed for this mission! me arse was burning! love, mark

This is among some other craziest things we would come up with...there were many more attempts to take more of his pictures but to no avail...

But for now I have to be patient, and accept your destiny, but I promise you this my dear friend, you are forever within me... PLEASE God, let him wake up soon... like how he did before.. =(

--On 4th May, I received news of Alex passing :-'( 

TRIVIA!!.. =)

Before I go on with the "trivia", let me tell you how this came about... hahaha.. Well, I was chatting with Sharon, and reading her blog --about the fantastic ladies in her life-- ..I was soo into her blog when she suddenly went:

padfoot~ says:

 

eh bee chui

padfoot~ says:

 

why dun you copy and paste the trivia on ur blog

padfoot~ says:

 

i wanna see YOUR answers pulak!

padfoot~ says:

 

go la go la go la!
do do do do!

JaCYln says:

 

copy paste wht trivia ??

padfoot~ says:

 

the one i did for my blog one

padfoot~ says:

 

go la go la

JaCYln says:

 

u mean .. ur blog entry ??

JaCYln says:

 

copy n paste in my blog ??

JaCYln says:

 

“o.O

padfoot~ says:

 

omg

padfoot~ says:

 

the trivia la

padfoot~ says:

 

whats so hard to understand? im speaking french is it huh huh huh

padfoot~ says:

 

the trivia--the "setengah ayam, setengah babi" one

JaCYln says:

 

hahahahaha..

JaCYln says:

 

okay!! got it ..

So there.. the story behind the Trivia.. hahaha..Okay Sharon, this goes out to you!...

1.  Story behind you fav song:

Jojo- Do You Know How to Touch A Girl

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside

My fav part of the song, the whole song is what I would want to tell the next guy who comes along, whom I might like...esp this part of the song... =)

2.    What month were you born in?  =>The best month of the year, also my fav month -- DECEMBER!!

3.    Where do you live?  => Butterworth

DESCRIBE YOUR...

4.    Wallet...  => RED.. money... resits.. "o.O ..

5.    Dream car.. => BMW, X5 … =) ..   “dream”???

6.    Toothbrush… => Blue! ..Oral B…jagged… no mould!!..hahaha…

7.    Pillow case… => eerr..does bantal busuk count?? .. Checked yellow and green.. and it smells good

8.    Eyes .. => Black, sometimes grey… hehehe..

9.    House Color… => white ..

10.  Love life … => Missing

11.  Cologne/Perfume…  => Revlon, Sunshine!

12.  CD in stereo… => Il Divo – Ancora… Yea.. boring.. but it I get to scream my lungs out with four gorgeous chaps!.. hahaha…

13.  Piercings… =>  Ears .. do I need it anywhere else??

WHAT ARE YOU…

14.  Wearing… => Nothing!!.. haha.. I wish… =P  Light blue collar tee, black cargo skirt (if there is such a thing) …and golden shoes from Nose! =) .. I can hear Sharon saying “chinkyfying” .. “”o.O

15.  Wanting… => learn how to swim

16.  The last thing you ate? …=> “too kah” (Pork leg) soup, chicken curry,  prawn curry,  ‘jiu hu cha’ … ‘cap chai theng’ ( ten types vege) soup … Didn’t know where to start as most are my favourite!!!… YUMMY!!

17.  Something you are afraid of ? … => right now, not being able to find the love that I am looking for

18.  Do you like candles? … how do u like them?? .. I don’t think so ..

19.  Do you like the taste of blood? .. => now….this trivia is getting freaky!.. never tasted….and .. yucks!! Eeww… 

20.  Do you believe in Love? … => YES! .. definitely…it has brought me through a lot  to be who I am today …

21.  Do you believe in soul mates? … => I think so, yes!.. Perhaps mine is somewhere out there!.. *where the heck are you*

22.  Do you like seafood? … => well, yea.. I like what I have tried so far..

23.  Do you remember your dreams? .. => yes, sometimes… yesterday, I  dreamt I was waiting for my turn to use the loo in school… but the toilets were way too canggih.. must have had too much of the soup for dinner… =P

24.  Do you consider yourself a study freak? … => Don’t think so

25.  Do you like tattoos ? .. => I think they are cool.. but I am afraid of needles!..

26.  Do you believe in miracles? … => With God, miracles happens … =)

27.  Do you burn easily in the sun? .. => unless I am made of plastic, YES I DO!.. just got burn from Cheng Beng!!… I now  have two tones on my arms, feet and my face!!

28.  Do you speak other language other than English? …=> hokkien, although can be considered ‘broken” at times.. Bahasa Melayu … teeny tiny bit of Hindi…and few words of Spanish!.. =P

29.  What’s something you wish you could understand better? … => Homo sapiens…and the XY genes … “o.O

30.  Are you shy around a crush? … => Yes I am …hihihi

31.  Got any plans for the weekend? .. => there is an engagement which I will be attending.. of a friend whom I have not meet since we left school… and also .. a wedding where I would be one of the ‘chee mui’… in other words –the-toll-gate-girl…hahaha…

32.  Do you miss anyone? … => Alexander!..

33.  Orange juice or apple? … => Orange

34.  Who were the last people you went out to eat with? .. => Saliza ..

35.  What was the last text message you sent? .. => an Easter poem to Nicky ..

36.  Lucky number? .. => Lucky or not I am not sure… but I’ve always liked 6 and 8, cus they are always with me.. my birth date, my emp number, IC no.. among a few things..

37.  Last time you ate homegrown tomato? .. => never

38.  Have you ever won a trophy? …Yes .. the last was in college .. badminton game

39.  Are you a good cook? … => haven’t burnt anything, so Yes I am good…hahaha...

40.  Do you know how to pump your own gas? ..

à human gas? – if ‘letting go’ = pump, then YES

à gas—petrol? – Of course I do! .. “O.O

41.  Do the Chinese really use cats in their food? .. =>I don’t know, does this means I am not Chinese?? =P

42.  Have you ever had to wear uniform to school? .. => the only days we were looking forward to was the days where we need not wear them! =P

43.  What was the last movie you saw in the cinema? … => Protégé ..sucky!.. Atho Daniel Wu looked Hottt!!.. hehehe

44.  Would you rather find true love or be a millionaire? .. => True Love!!!

45.  Do you believed in love at first sight? .. => Yes, I do 

46.  What is/are your fav animal(s)? .. => horses ..dogs…

47.  Who is the second last person to call you? .. => some lady from Standard Charted

48. What do you like about yourself? … => My moles..they were said to bring me  good luck!.. hahaha..

Be The Perfect Boyfriend...

This is the other side of the story from my previous post --Be the Perfect Girlfriend....

Even now, with all we know of love and life, when women start listing what we’re looking for in a guy, it still usually starts with his looks, his location, his job, or OK, maybe his sense of humor. But the truth is that any man – any height, any place, any job – can be the perfect boyfriend if he expresses the qualities that women really want. The things that speak to our hearts and affect us on a daily, weekly or monthly basis: The things we often forget we want in a guy until we see a John Cusack movie.

If we put one perfect boyfriend on order, here’s what comes with the package.

The perfect boyfriend…

…gives us butterflies in the beginning (Frequency: 1x a week, at least for the first three months). I have a friend who’s been seeing a man for three months she describes this way: “He’s really nice and he’s really good to me, but sometimes I have trouble looking at him because he’s really weird-looking… but, you know, we’ll see.” Some people think you don’t have to be all that attracted to the person you’re dating. I’m not one of those people. (And let’s be honest, who really is?) The ideal guy is either immediately attractive to us for his obvious physical attributes (say, dark-haired and tall, skinny with glasses, exotic and graceful), or because he appeals to us in other ways (the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he kisses, the way he works). Either way, those fluttery feelings in the beginning of the romance are important. Relationships get hard, and one way to endure the rough patches is having a little spark of high-school puppy love to fall back on. The perfect guy provides that.

…makes us laugh (Frequency: a lot). There’s a reason “sense of humor” is consistently at the top of every woman’s love list. If you can’t laugh together, really, what’s the point?

…shows us affection in tender ways (Frequency: minimum 4x a week). My current squeeze was recently playing with my hair for the duration of an entire episode of Grey’s Anatomy (speaking of, is it too shallow to want the perfect boyfriend to watch Grey’s Anatomy with you?). I was in such heaven, it made me realize how important it is to be touched in ways that aren’t always pre- or post-sexually-charged. For instance, guys, you know that clever idea you have of offering us a “backrub” when you really intend to slowly sneak your hands around and… well, we know that trick. I’m just saying, every once in a while, the perfect boyfriend would give us a plain old backrub.

…comes out with our friends and plays the role of token adorable guy (Frequency: 1x a month). Like a designer coat you get for a steal, what’s the fun of talking about your big find if you can’t show it off? A perfect boyfriend isn’t just perfect when we’re alone; he’s perfect in public, too. Years ago, I dated an event planner who, every once in a while would say, “Let’s take your friends out.” He’d book a table somewhere, hail the cab, pull out our chairs for us, order us drinks, and tell hilarious stories about some recent party fiasco. I couldn’t help beaming with pride when a friend would lean over and whisper, “Oh my God, he’s adorable.” For most women, our friends are our family and a big part of our lives, so we want our boyfriend to fit right in and make a great impression while he does it. What’s the fun of having the perfect guy if no one in the room goes home just a teeny bit jealous?

…agrees to go splitsies when we order food (Frequency: at least every other meal together). You know, you guys can have half of our chicken sandwich if we can have half of your burger? Your French fries are my French fries? Provided we don’t go too Tofurkey with our choices, it’s an admirable trait if a boyfriend shares a meal with us—literally.

…surprises us with thoughtful gifts and gestures (Frequency: 1x a month). This is where those flowers come in. Or a new CD we wanted. Or a sweet text-message at 11 a.m. Big or small, it really is the thought that counts. While visiting my guy in Los Angeles for a month, I mentioned a few weeks in that I was feeling a little homesick for New York City. When I woke up the next morning, he was standing there with two lattes—and a copy of The New York Post, which he’d spent 45 minutes driving around trying to find. The gift itself cost him two bucks, but was priceless in boyfriend points. “Half the fun of a little gift is just knowing that the guy is thinking of you when he’s apart from you,” points out my friend Sue. “It almost doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just the fact that he thought of us while he was doing it.”

…compliments us on things other than our looks (Frequency: 10x a month). In a movie I can’t help but reference weekly, Something’s Gotta Give, Jack Nicholson’s character tells Diane Keaton’s character, “You’re the funniest girl I ever had sex with.” Perhaps he could have phrased it a bit better, but there’s something magical about a man who notices the more profound, valuable qualities in us—who says things like, “You’re so interesting,” “You’re so intuitive” or “You’re so smart.” Looks fade, so we want a boyfriend who sees the pretty deep down.

…but, yeah, he also tells us we’re beautiful and hot, like, all the time (Frequency: Seriously, all the time). It just makes us feel really good. And the return a boyfriend gets on this is quantifiable: The more beautiful we feel, the better girlfriends we are in return.

…gives us cards with stuff written in them (Frequency: Birthday, anniversary, and holidays). Gifts from a boyfriend are great, don’t get me wrong. But it’s truly gratifying when said boyfriend also gives us a card with something heartfelt or sweet or cute written inside of it—you know, something more than just our name, his name, “Love” and a little punctuation. It’s not required, of course, but it goes a long, long way.

…calls us on our questionable behavior (Frequency: Well, not too often). My friend Kim mentioned an attribute she appreciates in her current boyfriend. As she puts it: “He calls me on stuff.” Kim is a tough chick who installs her own air conditioners and goes on vacation alone. But when she gets a boyfriend, she says, “I tend to turn into kind of a weepy, girl-tied-to-the-railroad-tracks type. The other day I asked him to get up and get me a drink, using this weird baby voice, and he was like, ‘Whoa, what’s with the voice? Now you’re pushing it.’ He was right,” she says, “I wasn’t being myself. And it makes me respect a guy when he puts me in my place when I veer off-course.”

…makes us trust him completely. (Frequency: Always). I dated a guy years ago who was big on guys’ and girls’ nights out. Which was fine, except that when he’d zip up his jacket and I’d say, “See you later,” he’d say, “Sure, unless I meet some other hot chick who wants me to come home with her, ha, ha, just kidding!” Guess what? Not funny. A perfect boyfriend makes a woman feel safe and secure. As my friend Todd puts it, “Trust is the titanium casing of a long-lasting relationship. Without that strong force field, you can’t survive. It’s what makes you a working team.”

…thinks it’s adorable when we’re our all-alone-selves in front of him. (Frequency: Always). It’s rare to find a man who finds it charming that you wear decade-old T-shirts to bed, can eat a whole Domino’s pizza by yourself, and spend Saturdays watching Laguna Beach marathons. And that’s what makes him so special. Assuming we agree not to push it (“I love that you don’t care if I don’t shave for weeks!”), the ideal guy would make us feel loved and accepted when we’re being our most natural selves.

-- By Amy Spencer--

Be The Perfect Girlfriend...

I came across this article today while browsing on the net... =) ..It was a contract the author came up with for the perfect girlfriend. Girls! ... lets check out if we could be getting some startling insights onto the male mind, like what the author said... =) .. hahaha.. Lets check it out.... I thought this is cute though ;-P ..hahaha..

Guys?!...What do you think ?.. "o.O

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.

B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.

C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.

1. By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.

Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.

1. Rule 2-a above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.

B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.

C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.

1. Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).

Clause 3: The Bedroom

A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.

B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.

Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guy’s Night.

C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.

D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:

1. She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
2. She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
3. No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.

Clause 5: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.

1. The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
3. The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or coworkers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.

By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.



______________________________
Print your name



______________________________
Signature



______________________________
Date

--By Jon Wilde--

Life's Teachers... :-)

Yesterday, a friend told me that to him, heaven is the people around him in his life; when I asked him how would he know how heaven is like, when we were sharing about life... what he said didn't really meant much at that moment, until now.. after thinking back about it... it hit a spot...

Well.. lately I have been reminiscing about friends, family, colleagues...people around me and friendship which started and some which seems to have ended, and some lost...the betrayal of trust...enigmatic liaisions...hurtful incriminations...false hope...the machiavellian acts and play... tear-jerking thoughts...infliction of excruciating feelings...all these which one can experience from the people you meet along the way ...which leads me to think about life...-- the person you want to be, the things you want in life and the people you choose to keep in your life--

I came across a blog today, it belonged to someone I know by name...I think I knew her once before sometime ago... but today, I am not sure if she is still the same person who I used to know back then.... reading her blog, I felt sorry for her ...eventhough she seems to have it all... but still I sense the "emptiness" in her life... which comes back to the thought of life... Everyone is looking for something in their life...she talked about betrayal of a close friend...and decisions she have made and meant to keep...She seems trapped... as if someone who is looking for a direction, meaning and perhaps a purpose in life...

This made me appreciate the people I have in my life...eventhough some could not feel or think the same as I do about them, nor do they want the same out of the relationship that I have to offer... some might offer truthful friendship, some even the facial reaction are fraudulent, some are just passing by...some could be scroungers.... there are also those who are like 'vultures'-- scavengers--who are just waiting for the right moment to strike when you are at your weakest...some sucks the happiness out of you...

But then again... I choose to see through them.... the real person behind the 'mask' that they have put on... although most of the time, I think I would be at the losing end, I could even get hurt in the process... which I have ...and I am learning to handle and understand it all.... With this, I have indentified some of my "teachers" in my life so far... These are the lessons which I have learnt from the circle of friends I have;

Sharon--for making me realise I love reading and writing; for I am able to express myself better through my writings and also the mother-daughter's love and relationship which I would someday have with my kids... Fiona--for being the role model of self-confidence...Harveen--for the hope of better endings... Alex--for being the guru of optimisms, love, wisdom, hope, loyalty and faith.... Rinda--for the laughter and self-determination... Deepa--for I have learn to forgive and forget... Geetha--for the acceptance and truthfulness...Kim Koon-- for the sisterhood and moderation... Josephine-- for godliness and sacrifice...Lynnie--for all the cheerfulness and determination...Timmy--for the cuisine exploration (this is a bonus!) ...hahaha...

These are only some of the the lessons which I have mentioned from this incredible collection of 'teachers' I have in my life... I am still learning... everyday I learn something new about life... To know what life is all about... its a life long process...

There was a remarkable teacher whom I came to know about... His name was Morrie... although he's no longer with us today,...the lessons of life which he has left behind are to be learned... Here are some of his wisdom about life which are also my favourite quotes:

"Life is a series of pull backs and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.You take certain things for granted, even when you know you shouldn't take anything for granted."

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

With this 'treasures' I have in my life... not any hurtful incriminations could ever bring me down... for I am who I am today because of these wonderful 'teachers' I have in my life and I owe it all to them...now...perhaps my friend's words are right... heaven is the people you love around you...

-- I won't be half-asleep; I will strive to devote myself to creating something that gives me purpose and meaning; thats life-- 

I Carry Your Heart with ME...

It was a normal routine evening, coming home after work, had my dinner... and finally sat down in may favourite spot -- on the couch, right in front of the telly...with a few of my favourite snacks... well... most of them are left overs from Chinese New Year -- cookies and junk food... hahaha... Just to name a few, I had the 'keropok udang' which I had bought all the way from Baling...ahem... I think I was attracted to the size of the keropok from across the street.. they were HUGE!... hahaha..then there was a box of chocolate, and my fav Mug filled with a mixture of a few different flavours of soft drinks -- Coke, Sarsi, Sprite,Orange... must be a combination of them few...hehehe...

All cosy and comfortable...I started browsing the telly for a nice movie to watch... hmm.. no luck...ended up watching a group of doctors in their attempt to save people's life despite having to deal with problems in their own life..""o.O ..then I also saw one movie where a mother and daughter plots a perfect crime, fooled the whole community and got away 4 million dollars richer..."o.O ...then half way browsing.. this one movie caught my attention... the title?? -- "In Her Shoes"... Well..one of the reason I was interested was because Cameron Diaz was in it =) ...hehehe...This movie is about Rose and Maggie, how different these 2 sisters can be and yet the love and the bond of their sisterhood would keep them close together...Rose the elder was a lawyer, the serious one.. and Maggie.. she was the one on the loose who slept with her sister's fiance just before the wedding... that was what tore the sisters apart... at first, it felt abit twisted...but then towards the end of the movie, Rose's love for Maggie proved what true love really is...Rose finally forgave Maggie....on Rose's wedding day.. Maggie read her a poem. Its was a poem by EE Cummings and here is how it goes:

I Carry Your Heart With Me...

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

This scene was soo lovely, and the poem was beautiful..I had tears welling up in my eyes ...